More Sweet Fan Fiction

Hermione versus the Bukkake Monster
by Sarah Jeong

"It's simply not possible," the nubile young witch remarked tartly, palms placed upon her lithe hips. "Every true scholar knows that the act of bukkake necessarily involves more than one participant." Hermione tossed her silken locks back, the many curls flouncing enticingly.

Ron and Harry exchanged a long stare. Finally, Ron cleared his throat. "So, uh, then there'll be no problem if we enter this dark, mysterious cavern, in search of one of the missing Horcruxes?"

"Absolutely not," the svelte, supple lass rejoined, fingering her wand with distracting deftness. "Such a mission would be so easy I could do it myself. You two should stand guard outside. Anyway, the fewer men in my presence, the less likely bukkake is to occur, logically speaking."

"I wouldn't bukkake you without your consent," Ron said defensively.

"It's fine," Harry hurriedly said. "We can further research the locations of the remaining Horcruxes."

They both watched her confidently walk toward the yawning maw of the cavern, looking as though it might devour her whole. Then Ron turned to Harry. "So, want to make flames bigger with our wands?"

"God, yes."

After several minutes of this, the two of them got back to business, growing concerned about Hermione's fate. At last, Harry stumbled across a shocking revelation. "Oh, no," he cried, staring at his copy of The History of Magic. "The Bukkake Monster isn't said to guard the Horcrux -- rather, it guards a synonym."

Ron, mouth dropping, lowered his copy of Gentlemen's Quidditch. "No; it can't be."

"Yes -- it guards -- the Whorecrux."

Just then, from the cavern emerged a cry of agony -- or was it -- ecstasy??

To Be Continued