Our Economy is plummeting. Bear Stearns, Freddie Mac, Fannie Mae, Lehman, AIG are all out, or else hooked up to financial i.v. chords in the government's emergency room. The election at hand looks to put an inexperienced alaskan creationist in the number 2 seat of our country unless we can come together to elect the first black president in our nation's history. I maintain my apartment and lifestyle by getting weird rich people drunk 3-4 days a week (to be fair, it's a lot of fun and I just got promoted). These are hard times.
Most of all, it's hard to believe in the x-files right now. I will preface this by saying that I want to believe so bad. SO BAD. I won't get into how I felt about the recent movie, except to say that the closest you get to paranormal activity is a picture of a two headed dog examined by Mulder. After seeing it, I sought remedy from the trusty series. Unfortunately, season 7 offered only this...
This is mulder, in a virtual wild wild west scenario, wielding a sword and wearing sunglasses that might cause Keanu Reeves to say, "too much."
Sword in hand, Mulder faces off against a gang of super hot cyber vixens bent on his destruction, their power fueled by his manly anger. He remarks that their guns are "unfair" and their number "is just plain cheating." Can't stop the bumrush.
No need to fear, Mulder! It's your trusty ally, Scully! She has entered this crazy virtual realm with an automatic laser rifle to save you from a gang of super hot Jane Waynes that want to shoot you up! She has a crazy left eye! She's FBI! She must be good at video games.
Mulder ducks to avoid fire as Scully saves the day.
Did I mention aliens? Government conspiracy? The occult? Paranormal activity? I don't believe so. Please correct me if I'm wrong there. I think I simply described a bizarre scenario in which Mulder and Scully are fighting for their (real) lives inside some kind of video game. As I mentioned in passing, the antagonist, some kind of virtual entity, is fueled by the aggressive energy of men -- what the game's creators, the Lone Gunmen, call "bloodthirst." Societal commentary on video game violence? Feminist commentary on violent crime? Maybe. The solution is more comical. Scully must overcome her (ridiculous) aversion to video games (bro) so that she can save Mulder from certain death.
At least one thing remains true of the X Files. Mulder is no good at shooting anybody, and Scully must step in to make the save.
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UPDATE:
Other quality moments in season 7 include an entire episode filmed in the style of COPS featuring the COPS theme song, a werewolf, a dr jekyl/mr hyde scenario, an ambivalent genie, and an episode that starts with two mormons having a bloody fistfight on someone's lawn. i'm stretched to my limits.
1 comment:
First off, congratulations on your promotion!
Truthfully speaking, I have enough faith in our financial system to believe that it will indeed come back up. Even if all five independent investment banks get bought out, I'm fairly confident that the US will get through this. *shrug*
Despite how disappointing that episode of the seventh season of X-files must've been, I have to put this out there: if David Duchovny had appeared anywhere else wearing that outfit and wielding a sword, it would've been AMAZING.
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