I Guess I'm Stuck on You

It's like a dream
only a dream could feel this good
it's like a dream
and I wouldn't wake up If I could

Every hour you're with me
I feel free when we're together
It's like a dream
So let me sleep forever

When I discovered Mutiny UK, and the Sunflower Records music scene, I was excited, big-eyed, fourteen or so. I had a CD called "southsidewaves" that came in to my life through Streetlight records.

Like a post-paradise garage paradise of soul music, without that critical edginess that made PG truly famous, Sunflower Records and its various UK deep house affiliate parties and scenes, famously including Lazy Dog, would be defining for me -- especially in terms of my interpretation and eplanation of "maturity and adulthood."

The idea that emotionally mature adults who aimed to live well and treat each other kindly assemble regularly to celebrate their lives, and themselves, and listen openly to beautiful, joyous music -- and better yet, that we could live this way forever -- was hugely influential in my life.

Good parties like Colors aimed to make the people there feel at home, with fruit and incense, and decorative ambiance that said "we want you to stay here and care about you. you are one of us." An inviting home away from home, and a celebration of freedom and art. Like, this isn't a dirty nightclub you should forget about, or an avenue to pursue your sexual frustration. This is a place that can be like your home. Where you can be open to dance and take beautiful ideas seriously. You can listen to music openly about love and compassion -- and not be called "gay" because there that is not a slur. And most importantly, having positive ideas about humanity was considered funky and righteous, and a cause worthy of compliment. And the best compliment available was to dance as hard as possible. To show you were really feeling in your mind by using your body.

Not only is it the case that my generation has not come to these ideas on our own, or commonly enjoy them, but also that they are still "gay" ideas, and not ones that will hold muster against 'true genius' art -- typically, tortured and talented males that make dissonant masterpieces, isolated from society and laden with frustration and concern.

Simply because it is not difficult to understand, there is no credibility for liking it.

It's as if my motivations had not been correct - perhaps art is really all a competition: who can understand the most interesting esoteric ideas? who can discern the manliest, most awesome people from a crowd of boasting posers? who can complain the most powerfully and loudly about life without looking like a loser? which cynical, jaded person can pick up the most talent in comprehending appreciating skill?

Fortunately for me, straight men are coming out of their own non-sexual, aesthetic closets, one by one. Expressing their own social identities and enjoying open love and communication, excitement and vigor without fear of repercussion.

The social norm may not be to love openly, and take kindness seriously as a way to live, but I've got no evidence that this has ever been true, and we are making progress in modernity with exceptional speed. Maybe everyone who is involved will turn 35 or 40 and explode like supernovae; becoming faded stars, that simply want a comfortable home for family, and to protect their children, no longer believing that the world, and it's social dynamics can be further improved, or that their role in improving it is over and it's time to 'take care of their own.'


I'm wildly uncertain of course but I know a few things are true.

-we'll have to find, explore, and enjoy unconventional and new ways to take care of each other, and ourselves. New families, new music, new ways to spend our free time. we simply cannot rely on the past.

-we'll have to do it without "leaving the world behind" - and acknowledge that all our connections are very important to us.

-it's going to be incredibly fun, and enlightening. we'll see the whole world, and each other, in a new and wonderful light by the time we're 40 or 50, and we have to focus on being honest and enjoying each other to take full advantage

Like a bird, flying high
Reach to the sky
light shining through
shines down over you

I confide in you
I look up to you
I'm in love with you
I guess I'm stuck on you